What do you do when you stop feeling God?
I feel Him often. It’s like this presence at my right side that I just know He’s there. When I pray, my prayer life is very visual and with a depth of feeling. And then one day…it stopped.
I could pray for others and He would show me and direct me in ministering to them without struggle but for myself…I couldn’t “feel” Him.
I know this may raise some eyebrows but I hope you’ll continue to read.
The pain I felt in not “feeling” Him was beyond words. I looked frantically at my life for what I had done wrong. Why had He left me? I knew He hadn’t. That would go against His word but it felt as if He had. Days passed into weeks and weeks into months and I reached a point of decision. I knew the truth. Would I choose to believe the truth I knew or how I was feeling? I looked back on my life and all the ways God had been so present, the answers to prayers, the divine appointments and words spoken over me that could have only been from Him. Was He still the same God?
I made the decision to press into His Word, His Truth. I knew who He had been to me and trusted that even though I couldn’t “feel” Him that He was still with me and for me. I wish I could say that in that moment of decision that the gates of heaven opened up and I felt Him with an overwhelming rush. But things stayed as they were.
One day as I sat on the carpet working on my laptop, I felt Him. I felt almost every emotion all at once and all of a sudden. Tossing my laptop to the side I put my face down and just cried. I asked where He was. I asked what I had done.
His response…He had never left me, I hadn’t done anything.
In that place of feeling His presence again He spoke to my heart. That time of not “feeling” Him was a time for me to grow in what I knew to be true and lean on the truth versus the feeling. It was the time for me to not rely on the gifts He’s entrusted to me but to stand, rest, walk and hide in His truth.
The gifts He entrusts to us are good! They draw us to Him and minister to others. But the gifts are gifts…not God. For some of us the way we are gifted we can run the risk of trusting those gifts more than Him. We can lose our way by looking to those gifts for answers instead of looking to Him.
Looking back at that time for me I see with more clarity what He was doing. Preparing me for more of Him and strength in those gifts.
I couldn’t “feel” Him and it scared me so I ran to His Word. I ate it up like a starved child and out of that filling He used me even more with others and the gifts He normally works through me got stronger. And my heart softened even more. We don’t want anyone to go to hell but have we stopped to think that there are so many living hell here on earth? To not be in his presence…
Now does this mean we run from the gifts? No! They are from Him! For me it was a path to more of Him in those gifts, more of Him in me and through me. But before the increase in the gifts He first wanted me solid on what was at the head, the lead… Him or the gifts. I love His gifts that He so richly gives! I love seeing the body of Christ move in all gifts and encourage each other. It still never gets old when I look into the eyes of a person ministered and encouraged through the Holy Spirits moving. It still rocks my world how He opens the gates of heaven to us! Yes, I know that are many that are so fearful they attempt to control the gifts and the Holy Spirit and therefore miss out. But there are also many who chase the gifts and neglect the Gift Giver. Chase Him above all things!
In whatever gifts He’s entrusted you with remember this…
Trust in the Lord with all your heart
And do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He will make your paths straight. ~Proverbs 3:5-6